What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
