Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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