I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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