The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
