Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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