Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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