I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
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The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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