oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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