Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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