WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
