Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
