you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
