the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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