So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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