One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
