Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
