Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she woke up with a sticky ear
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
