he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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