From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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