having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The power of my boobs compel you
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
