I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Houston, we have a squirter
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
