drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
