I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
