i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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