It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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