I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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