I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
COCAINE IS GR8
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
