you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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