btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
