get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Are we still banned from the library?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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