i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
