I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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