you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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