please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
