so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
