So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
