apparently the secret to your success is patron
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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