peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize