Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
