I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
