I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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