btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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