My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize