Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
