My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
