dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
