i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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