She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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