I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
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he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
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I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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