Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
well you can't waste a boner
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
