I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
