i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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