You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
