Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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