My first STD was from a foam party
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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