Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
