i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
