i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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