I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
