I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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