Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
