I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
