i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
