if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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